I just do not know what happens. So often I wish not to feel this much involved, not to have feelings when I get them. I just feel pain and I do not know why. Envolved in this world I am and it often seems as if it does not want me to be here. It gives me pain when I demand delight. Gives me negative things when I just demand for a single moment of gratitude. It strikes me, banns me, pushes me, when I just need time.

Time so much time is missing, time to get along with me, what I am and do not want to be, do want to be, because it should be enough. I could just fit in perfectly, I have all the qualifications, enough brains, enough intellect, enough talent, enough beauty, but still i feel so messed up inside. Nothing extraordinary about me, just the past and it comes up again, does not let me be. Be as I could.

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Adrenalin strikes your body and the engines start working, caused by a single moment, electric shocks make your neurons connect. The part of your bran which cares of feelings works again. It has been so long since, true movement has made your body want. Want something more than hello and goodbye. Haunting you is the warmth you still feel. So long ago, desire has lighten up. Your soul reacts and strikes the small body, desire, desire, desire is no more than reaction. Tell yourself, thruth is evidence. You know you’re healing. Healing, could it be, one evening, warmth, heart touched and you feel. Regret no, too much proud. Flow is what you are in, caused by proven facts.

You see sun and the cold wind blows your pain back in. Sweet pain, while you walk, move and work. Beauty is not out of you, but in yourself. How yould the beauty of emotions be forgotten? Feel like you suddenly woke up, after years of seelping. Hurt again, again and again. Just because you can not react, not how you’d like to, but it’s there. Growing, grwoing, little cactus.

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Body and soul

Seperate soul from body, instinctivly. Your soul is bothered but your body not harmed. Phisical pain gives psychological relief. Phisical pleasure, gives none but confusion. Gain pleasure by intellectual thought, ’cause touch does no more than warm you. Finger tips are cold, fingers so frozen, hands unfelt, ’till they touch another part of your’s.

Agony is nothing but a situation and while movement is happening, soul is firm. Wonder if delight will light you up again. Soul has room for loneliness, while body is always presented. Mirrors just scratch your surface, due to their visual revelation of body’s and brain’s attachment.

Room is not more than giving you freedom of sensation, while space leaves you freedom of thought.

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This gallery contains 6 photos.

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Attacked by inspiration,
Liked to be expressed.

So flashing lights,
colors’ posession,
is yet what it,
never ought to be.

Tasted sweetish irrationalism,
captured by obscurity,
lights flash,
colors change,
it all wanders and evolves.

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Seemed legit to me

been there done it, got portraited.

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When sun goes down, I wonder if I’d ever go back to normal. Life’s excentric ways never let me. I see how the world moves and I just do not get how usual people behave.

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Sometimes I wonder, if life i truly what it seems to me.

Spectacular lights,
flashing dreams,
demanding emotions,
left besides by intentions.

Regular walks,
defined portraits,
no rectangular rooms,
in sight.

Undoubted thruth leads to consequences,
no one ever expected to be,
as rain touches the pavement,
miracles happen to be seen.

Light split by water,
finds it true fountain,
in what it had been and never will be again.

As watches stare,
their fingers unstoppable circulating,
miracles happen to be,
in sight.

Splashing waves on coastal areas,
seas of deepest blue,
with greenish spots come,
in sight.

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Because I was bored


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Erhabenster aller Menschen

Der erhabenste aller Menschen, denkt sich vom körperlichem gefeilt, doch plötzlich fällt ihm auf, dass sich Körperliches an ihm festnagt. So körperlich schmerzliches, wie zuvor er es nie erlebte.

Jahre her, die kalte Windesluft umspielt das Näslein, noch zu jung um groß zu sein. Doch die Brust bebt, bei jedem Augenblickt, höher als sie es gewöhnlich tat. Der Wind umnebelt und sie steht dort. Gefangen ist sie in wogenden Wellen. Erzitternd ist sie, friert bei Eiseskälte, doch standfest steht sie, wippt nur leicht, denn jede größere Bewegung ist innerlich.

Und obwohl er es wieder fühlt, scheint es doch so neu. Neu wie niemals zuvor und Gott erleuchtete ihn, zog ihn mit sich, in seinen Bann aus Licht und Dunkelheit. Gebet erfüllt ihn nicht immer, doch immer öfter und die Kirche ist Zuflucht. Zuflucht auch wenn nur die Heimat Emotionen dieser Art bringt.

Braunes Haar, braune Augen, ein Gesicht der Pubertät offensichtlich, schlank und doch standfest, wahrlich auch schlacksig. Wissen tut doch niemand, ob der erhabenste aller Männer sich seiner Unbeholfenheit, seiner Lächerlichkeit bewusst wird, bevor er zerbröselt, zerbröckelt an seinem Gefühl, welches selbst den erhabensten aller Männer wanken lässt, strampeln, zittern lässt. Doch nur innerlich, denn jede Woge ist von außen nicht zu betrachten.

Und wenn er sich erzittern lassen darf, weshalb sollte es nicht jeder andere. Auch der einfachste aller Menschen darf erzittern, darf sich wiegen in der Woge, die in einhüllt, umhüllt und niemals vergessen lassen wird, wie ein Gefühl übermannen kann.

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