I just do not know what happens. So often I wish not to feel this much involved, not to have feelings when I get them. I just feel pain and I do not know why. Envolved in this world I am and it often seems as if it does not want me to be here. It gives me pain when I demand delight. Gives me negative things when I just demand for a single moment of gratitude. It strikes me, banns me, pushes me, when I just need time.
Time so much time is missing, time to get along with me, what I am and do not want to be, do want to be, because it should be enough. I could just fit in perfectly, I have all the qualifications, enough brains, enough intellect, enough talent, enough beauty, but still i feel so messed up inside. Nothing extraordinary about me, just the past and it comes up again, does not let me be. Be as I could.