Holidays

So in Germany we have two weeks of easter holidays, which is really perfect. It should be two weeks of relaxing, but this is never what these holidays look like. In Germany you are allowed to  buy beer and wine and champagner from age 16 on. So drinking beer and watching sunset is no problem for us. The only problem is, when you figure out that being one of the ‘cool kids’ as we call them down here, is not what fulfills your life. And kissing some blond guy who reminds you of your ex is not what brings back that feeling. Drinking too much, being drunk I mean, smoking too much and realising how unfascinating life really is, is not what helps you out of your ever lasting depressions.

New songs, new genres to listen to, new pictures to draw, new personalities to be and new experiences to make, are not what I am looking for. I am now 16 years old and still I have not found myself. Just because I am way too complicated to be normal, I am way too normal to be excentric, I am way too different to be like the others. I am way too cool to be one of the losers and I am way to uncool to be one of the cool ones.

Finally I even figured out, that kissing someone who is not attactive to me, makes me feel sick. But so sick, you cannot imagine. People my age are always different personalities captured in one. We are never just the only one we are never unique and we are never what we seem to be.

What people do not know,
is that beauty is captured,
in difference.

Nothing here and elsewhere,
will be more impressive,
more unsolved,
and more interesting,
than difference.

Beauty is subjective,
like everything that surround us.

And realising the beauty,
of difference,
is only possible by tollerating,
this.